ANGER ON MY MIND

Posts Tagged ‘anger management certification

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Anger Management/Executive Coaching of Charlotte, North Carolina  

704-804-0841

www.masteringanger.com

www.angeronmymind.com

www.angeronmymind.org

www.aaamp.org

 

 

Confronting the problems in our lives and living an authentic existence can be elusive for many. Some of us hate to confront the things that are enviably making us unhappy. We hear our emotions telling us that that we need to make changes in our job, marriage, health and life’s focus yet we ignore and AVOID these signals to our detriment.

All of us know intuitively what is good for us and what is not so good but for some it is just too hard to deal with the emotional upheaval that will result when we decide to make a change. However, no matter how we try to avoid change, our emotions signal the existence of problems through feelings of fear, anxiety, apprehension, frustration, exhaustion, depression and discomfort. Some fail to listen, and the result is a feeling of vulnerability and defensiveness.

This defensiveness creates hyper-vigilance. Such hyper-vigilance is like proverbially living with the hand on the gun. Any perceived attack by the outside world, whether it be from another driver, spouse, co-worker, pastor, friend, child, or the unsuspecting man on the street is viewed as an attack on the self and ANGER comes in to defend what beliefs and values we hold dear. This process all starts with avoidance, and while it is not the only way to explain anger, it is one of the ways that is associated with dreams being unfulfilled.
Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF
President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers
Anger Management/Executive Coaching of Charlotte, North Carolina
www.masteringanger.com
www.angeronmymind.com
www.angeronmymind.org
www.aaamp.org

To understand the connection between anger and the other emotions a military analogy would be apt. It is helpful to see the other emotions (fear, sadness, jealousy, confusion…), as the early warning progressing through the use of accelerated force to defend something we hold dear. If these warnings are ignored, anger is the final force option available to emotionally protect us. Therefore the use of effective communication is critical to communicate our needs and to avoid the use of “accelerated force.”

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Anger Management/Executive Coaching of Charlotte, North Carolina

www.masteringanger.com

www.angeronmymind.com

www.angeronmymind.org

www.aaamp.org

 

Something happened after 9/11 that has not been talked about much. Those of us who are specifically trained and run exclusive anger management practices experienced a rise in anger management referrals. The responsible anger management facilitator should ask the question “why?” The answers may give us clues to the origins of anger and the possible triggers.

Let me be honest, I am an immigrant to the United States and would be the first to admit that I have a magical view of the United States. It is the only place on earth where the dreams to be self-actualized is valued. It is an open society where dreams are made real for almost anyone. To inspire this kind of optimism requires an emotionally intelligent nation that sees the value of human endeavor and creates a safe and structured environment to facilitate the development of its human capital. Large portions of its citizens must have the need for food, shelter and security met. The nation must also be heavily defended so that the citizens feel they are free to roam without fear. Finally, the nation must provide the framework where ingenuity is not only welcomed but supported and seen as a superior attribute. Although not a perfect model, these United States achieved many of these parameters thus wealth and ingenuity flourished. For a long time America has not only wielded military might but an ideology that has virtually swept across the globe. Such supremacy created the kind of security that is needed to create self-actualized citizens.

On 9/11, however, a visible war was declared not on the United States military but on the ideology of our great land. How was it possible that our once safe society now lives with the daily threat of terror? What is the impact of this ever present threat? I contend that for some the dream that is America has been shaken. This shake has created fear, insecurity, doubt and uncertainty. Such primary emotions are a recipe for anger.

Anger is a secondary emotion. Long before an individual becomes angry they feel a cluster of primary emotions that are signals to alert that some emotional threat is looming; some need is not met. If the initial signals are ignored the result is anger that is directed at a convenient target.

The issue here is that suddenly the safety net—real or imagined– was gone and the individual citizen now had new considerations. The meaning associated with the wife/husband, the house, picket fence and a dog was also shaken especially as the impact of 9/11 was coupled with globalization and the reputation that the world no longer had “warm fuzzy” feelings about these United States. If one accepts the idea anger is associated with feelings of insecurity such uncertainty about the future and our place in the global environment are all a source of collective anger.

Insecurity and uncertainty cause humans to hoard more, be more defensive, be more impulsive, increase hyper-vigilance, reduce trust, isolate and in such a state anger on the highways, in school, at work or any ware else is not very far behind. It is not so much that we fear that a terrorist is right around the corner. That would be too simplistic. The problem is that the emotional safety nets that once carried this society into great feats are going. There is a period of change and as with any change there is a period of uncertainty. This uncertainty hit home to every American who still wants that piece of the American pie. Nevertheless, the stressors of living in a society that has become vulnerable since 9/11, in my mind, is one reason that anger management facilitators have seen an increase in the numbers of those referred to anger management. The anger is a small symptom of the loss of meaning that was associated with attacks of 9/11.

 

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Anger Management/Executive Coaching of Charlotte, North Carolina

www.masteringanger.com

www.angeronmymind.com

www.angeronmymind.org

www.aaamp.org

 

 

Dealing with the Anger of 9-11

The images from September 11, 2001 are forever burned in the minds most Americans.

But the anger many of us felt that day is an emotion that some folks battle on a consistent basis?

WBTV’s Lenise Ligon has the story.

——-

People get pretty angry for a lot reasons. Traffic jams, a bad day at the office, arguments over the kids and the the brutal terrorist attacks from 9/11.

After 9/11, referrals to anger management just really spiked.

It has been six years since our nation was attacked. That day our world changed forever.

Carlos Todd, of Todd’s Anger Management Solutions, says it has been especially different in his line of work as an anger management consultant.

“The reason is that stress levels get higher people get more fearful and it causes us to be uncertain,” he said.

He says you can get your anger under control three different ways: fight, flight or freeze.

Fight — look for a constructive solution.

Flight — walk away.

Or Freeze — take a step back.

After 9/11 we wanted to fight, not physically though, we went looking for answers.

But remember terrorism is not always the root cause of anger.

Todd says anger is a secondary emotion and in this case could be avoided.

“If it is too severe. If it leads to violence. All of these things are indicators that an individual has problems managing their anger.”

Who could forget the message of actor Alec Baldwin yelling at his 11-year-old daughter.

Todd says when it comes to managing your anger, sometimes the best thing to do is take a step back and think — freeze.

It is easy to say, but learning how means more than just keeping a lid on your temper.

“It is a course,” Todd explains, “it is a class, designed to teach people stress management, anger management, communications skills and emotional intelligence.”

He says he can show you the techniques, but the success depends on you.

Motivation is a real strong part of this process.

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Carlos Todd is the owner of Todd’s Anger Management Solutions in Charlotte, NC

www.masteringanger.com

www.angeronmymind.com

www.aaamp.org

 


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