Quiet On the Outside, Destructive Anger on the Inside

Posted on: July 19, 2007

One should never assume that because an individual is quiet and unassuming anger is not boiling inside. Too often, there have been examples of individuals who appeared to be quiet and unaware and one day they just exploded in rage. There are two types of anger–implosive and explosive. Explosive anger is familiar however implosive anger is less observable. It is what I describe as stealth anger. It roams inside the individual with no way of healthy expression.

Anger and the primary emotions that drive anger are only signals to let us know that we are under emotional attack. To ignore these signals is to stuff the feelings that we have daily when others cross an unacceptable emotional boundary. Individuals with explosive anger tend to be passive or passive aggressive communicators who are either are not able to say “no” or tend to communicate with excessive sarcasm.

In this case, anger management is important because it teaches the individual to express their needs, wants, desires and set the kind of boundaries that allow them to emotional differentiate themselves from others. The good anger manager knows when and how to express anger. They do not express anger just for the sake of freeing themselves. This expression is smart because it is done in the full awareness of the individual’s emotional needs and the overall desire to respect the rights and emotional needs of others.

If you find yourself not being able to say “no” or not able to express what you really want an anger management class may be appropriate for you. Don’t let stealth anger destroy your life seek help today. For an anger management provider in your area visit

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Carlos Todd is the owner of Todd’s Anger Management Solutions in Charlotte, North Carolina


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