ANGER ON MY MIND

Anger management not appropriate for those charged with Domestic Violence

Posted on: August 30, 2007

After reading the story of a man who killed his girlfriend after attending a anger management class I just had to comment once again. Anger management is not appropriate for those who are charged with or have a history of DV. As a matter of fact anger management and domestic violence are very different. All individuals who are charged with DV should be seen by those who have special training in DV. This confusion regarding DV and AM persist and as we have seem it can have deadly consequences.

All concerned should be aware that if an individual has been violent in a romantic relationship, anger management is NOT APPROPRIATE.

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Carlos Todd is the owner of Todd’s Anger Management Solutions in Charlotte, NC

www.masteringanger.com

www.angeronmymind.com

www.aaamp.org

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4 Responses to "Anger management not appropriate for those charged with Domestic Violence"

I am a survivor of domestic violence. Anger management indeed is not what is needed for these abusers. It has become the socially acceptable thing “the judge just ordered me to anger management” so I really did not do anything that was really wrong past loosing my temper.
Baloney! If you have ever been a victim of domestic violence you know this is not the case. The abuser does not loose control of his temper. He plans the abuse in advance plain and simple. He deliberately brainwashes his victim and the abuse evolves from nearly nothing to becoming worse with each incident. It truly is a crime as it is intentional harm to another human being.
I have recently written a book entitled “Family Terror” available at http://www.familyterror.com on this very topic. Domestic violence does not call for anger management.
The justice system needs to educate themselves more about the behavior of the domestic violence abuser as domestic violence is becoming a silent epidemic in this country and using anger management as a solution to the abuser’s behavior is playing a part in the increasing incidents of the violence with I call FAMILY TERROR which is truly what it is.
The very name of domestic violence seems to somehow give an excuse to the behavior. If a fight developed in a fast food restaurant we would not say oh well it was nothing much it was just a hamburger dispute.
Please lets get this topic addressed for what it really going on. Thank you for acknowledging what every victim of this abusive behavior knows. This acknowledgement by all is a necessary step to the solution of the problem.

Domestic violence by law is defined as violence in an intimate relationship. The key words are intimate relationship. It can be gay/lesbian or heterosexual. Anger is not an essential factor in domestic violence. The issue is rather power and control.

In contrast, anger is a normal human emotion. It is a problem when it is too intense, lasts too long, occurs too frequently,impacts health,impacts interpersonal relationships or leads to violence or aggression.
All states have laws defining domestic violence while there are no state laws regulating the practice of anger management.

I have no idea what to do with my life at the moment. I am writing because i was attacked today by a boyfriend of 2 years and we also have a child together. he most definately threatened to take my life but not one time did he put his hands on me. A threat is all i need to know that something is wrong. although we may not be together i do believe that had he had the help he needed this would’ve never happened. now i am trying to find him some help which my first thought was that he needs anger management but now that i have done my research i see that that may not be the case. what does he need? can anyone help me out?

As the Executive Director of a program that works with abusive men, unless he is introspective and sees his behaviors as a problem, there isn’t anything you can do. Like any change, it has to start with the person who needs to do the changing. You can call, set up appointments, or do whatever you want, which is all part of the abuse cycle, but until he realizes he needs to change and tries to do so, or he is court-mandated to attend a program for abusive men (in OR they’re called Batterer Intervention Programs) his behaviors and beliefs will remain the same.

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