Archive for July 2008

Absence of companionship can be due to many reasons. Divorce, widowhood, single parenting, or long distance marriage can all lead to absence of companionship. When a man or woman has to shoulder responsibility all by oneself it becomes difficult and he/ she are unable to cope with it. That is when anger wells up in an individual. This anger is generally aimed at self or at the companion who has left him/her. In widowers they generally blame God for taking away the person whom he loved the most. The loss of companionship can leave a man shattered and he takes to drinking alcohol to forget his pain. This can be dangerous as kids may ultimately be the sufferer.

Single parenting is another major problem American women face now. The pressure of being both father and mother can tell on their health and in turn they become angry towards their kids. Long distance marriage also can be painful as there is no one to share your feelings and emotions. If spouse is in one state and you in another talking over the phone cannot ease your burden. Spending lonely evenings and weekends can be boring. Cultivating same sex friends can be good to keep you from turning towards alcohol or extra marital affairs. Many people feel lonely due to absence of companionship and resort to unwanted and unhealthy habits.

A family is the best support system and parents are stabilizers for kids. In countries like India and China joint family system is still prevalent where siblings and other relatives compensate during times of need. Though it is still no compensation for a partner were at least the burden of bringing up kids is shared. When responsibility is shared the stress in an individual decreases. And anger withers away.

Carlos Todd, LPC


Sibling rivalry is a common sign seen in all older kids. But most of it is harmless and goes away with time. Parents should take great care in preparing the older child when a new one arrives. Many times parents are busy with the new born and neglect their older kid. Due to this the older child develops hatred towards the younger sibling. Some children who are aggressive can even harm the younger child unknowingly due to anger and jealousy.

A certain amount of conflict is normal between children in families. Comparison and constant competition can lead to sibling rivalry. It is in the hands of the parents to see that kids don’t form jealousy towards their younger ones. Fighting can lead to hatred between siblings and some even take it as far as killing each other. Many brothers from board room have gone to court rooms taking their fights to court. Sibling rivalry can lead to anger in children and as they grow up the anger grows with them and leads to fatality of the relationship. Sibling rivalry usually continues throughout childhood and can be very frustrating and stressful to parents.

  • The most important way to get rid of sibling rivalry is never compare your kids. “This is a biggie”.
  • Each child is unique. Teach your kids positive ways to get attention from each other.
  • Tell them to play together and involve them in group activity. Let them play together instead of against each other.
  • Make sure each child has enough time and space of their own.
  • Be fair to both of them. Do not take sides when they are in conflict. As a parent it is your responsibility to see that sibling rivalry vanishes as fast as it started in your kids.

Carlos Todd, LPC

Today July 28, 2008 is now the heaviest trafficked day on this blog. As the owners of this blog implement more innovative strategies this trend is likely to continue. Thanks again to all our visitors and supporters.

Carlos Todd, LPC

Call 704-804-0841 or visit to join our one day classes

Carlos Todd, LPC, CAMF

Work has become the focus of every one today. There is no family time or kids time any more. Its work, work and more work. With the advancement in technology work has entered the family household also. Mobile phones and internet has made it a 24/7 office time. Gone are the days when people used to come back from work by 6 P.M and forget office. Today even weekends are spent in front of the computer answering Emails and doing office work. This can be frustrating and family life get’s disturbed. With deadlines being issued people are busy getting connected all around the globe to sell their product. Sitting in the US if you wish to do business with Japan or any other eastern country you need to keep awake to their time schedule. That not only affects your sleep but also quality time with your partner. This leads to anger and discontentment in family life.

Jim says, “My wife was always screaming and complaining and kids were clinging on to me greedily, solely because I was never around to spend quality time with my family. My days and sometimes nights were spent in the office trying to complete the excess work assigned to me. Heaps of assignments were always piled on my office desk that had to be completed by unrealistic deadlines. Work always seemed unorganized and incomplete and eventually all I gained was negative criticism from my senior manager. I ended up feeling angry and furious and looking at so much work made me insane. I would snap at my wife and children and was totally stressed due to over burden of work”.

The best way to deal with this is to list your priorities. Once you know how much work is there you need to manage your time ably to relax in the evenings and during weekends. That way you can manage your time as well as not be stressed. Time management is the key to success. This not only increases productivity, puts a stop to health issues too.

Carlos Todd, LPC

Children throwing temper tantrums, is not uncommon. There’re parents who swear that they’ve themselves guarded against losing their temper in front of children, but still their children have turned out to be terrors. While it’s easier to fight fire with fire, while handling children, the best that parents can do is, adopt age-related strategies and cope. Sometimes, an infant should be left to his devices, for he will demand when he’s hungry. Distracting a 3 year old will help. A 5 year old will learn if adults stick to their guns or if ‘time-out’ is practiced. An older child who hasn’t learnt to control his temper will need parental ears and reasoning can help. If he’s justified in being angry, maybe a reality check can help. Teaching him coping techniques, tact, diplomacy may surprise him too. In teenage kids go through physical and hormonal changes. These changes perplex them and they know they are not kids any more. They expect to be treated like adults and don’t like to be told by parents what they should do.

Dealing with angry teens can be a task. Parents need to be careful as this is the time when psychological changes affect teenagers and bipolar disorder starts during teenage. It’s very important to watch them and counsel them accordingly. Teenage anger has led to violence and disaster. Teenage anger is more an emotion than a behavior. If parents are separating then teens anger will show on them. The insecurity teenagers feel because of broken homes makes them angry. The best way to solve is to take a step back and find more positive and healthy ways to deal with it. By maintaining composure, parents can be good role models and open the door to constructive communication with their children.

Each one of us has our own uniqueness. If some are creative others are talented in other ways. We need to identify our strengths use them to their fullest. By comparing with others you only end up feeling inferior or complexed. That can lead to low self esteem in an individual and that could lead to anger and rage. Low self esteem at work place is quite common; especially if your colleague is doing well and gets noticed for his or her efforts. You may also be equally good but it is just that you are not as smart as he/she is. Inability to make decisions because of confusion and fear of making a mistake or of disappointing others can also be due to low self esteem. Slowly the person isolates herself/ himself and with draws into a shell.

Anger due to low self-esteem can lead to rage and sometimes even prove fatal. People end up with depression and are on medication. Some even harm themselves. Low self esteem may be due to abuse as a child or victim of separated parents, insecurity due to illness, shy because of stammering or being bullied by peers. All these can lead to low self esteem and this turns into anger and fury. This can also lead to stomach aches, head aches and serious illnesses. Sustained anger can have terrible consequences including suicide, murder, accident, alcoholism, drug abuse, food disorder, heart disease, cancer, stroke, or some other form of physical breakdown. First and foremost learn to love yourself. That can put an end to your inferiority complex. Also think that you are the best gift God has given and you will excel in whatever you do.

July 2008
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