Archive for August 2008

Click Here for a FREE ANGER MANAGEMENT ASSESSMENT. Learn if you really have an anger problem.

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President, Conflict Coaching & Consulting, PLLC


“I opened my inbox and there it was again, a whole lot of forwards from my colleague. I enjoyed each one of them in the beginning but there seemed to be no end to this junk mail. My inbox would be full up to the brim and my mornings would start clearing it and sending them in the trash can.” Haven’t you heard this before?

Well! This is not a very rare situation but if you find the forwarded emails irritating and irksome you can always keep deleting them. It’s definitely not a solution to the problem and if you feel the need to erase the issue at its root, then try and speak to the sender of theses forwards. Maybe you can tell him that you are already stressed with an overload of work and you really don’t find the time to read all the forwards. If he is smart enough he will be able read the hidden message. However if the forwards still linger in your inbox in spite of polite and repeated requests, then I guess you need to give him a piece of your mind. There is no need to get into a brawl or fist fight but you can still put across your feelings of anger and irritation in a curt and rigid manner. If you are not bold enough to confront him, then you can maybe ask a friend colleague to raise this issue in front of the sender and speak to him about. As the popular saying goes ‘pen is mightier than words’ you can send him an email elaborating very subtly your problem and a polite request to him to not send anymore forwards that are inconsequential or junk. By the end of adapting all these methods, I guess your coworker sending you the forwards will permanently erase your email address.

Most employees are struggling to say ‘no’ to work for longer hours. Working longer means you have to sacrifice your time with your family and friends and also your freedom and independence. It is usually not an easy decision more so when the deal is lucrative but it’s you who have to prioritize and decide what comes first for you family or work. If you are ready to say ‘no’ to a request for working overtime, be polite and gentle while you are refusing and justify it with a rock solid reason. Don’t criticize anyone for offering you this proposition and let the other person save face.

Explain your reasons for denial in full length and tell them that you have come to this conclusion only after much deliberation and you regret every bit of it. Tell them how important and dear your independence is to you or justify it with a family issue like someone’s ill health or your need to complete your education along with work. Such issues do melt a heart and you can get through smoothly. There are a lot of people in the company who will put their interests before yours and try to get you to accept that. But when the ball is in your court, be firm in your decision and don’t waver on convincing, however at the same time be calm and polite when you put forward your view points. If you are nervous to face your employer face to face, then draft a letter addressed to him elaborating on your reasons to say ‘no’. Just make sure that you are ready to give them an answer when they come your way. Long working hours can cause health problems too. It can also damage your family life simultaneously as most parents are forced to juggle a long, grueling work life with a hectic home life. Employers must recognize how much better it is for the business to work smarter rather than longer.


Carlos Todd’s anger management class was a practical approach to solving conflict. It provided an extensive overview of the dynamics of anger and gave excellent tools to help control and deal with anger. It was a very effective class that will assist in every aspect of dealing with people and situations

Fran in Charlotte, NC

The class was a very positive experience.

Paul in Reston, NC

The class made me think of my personal life and things that I have said or done and can see how this has affected my marriage.

Mark in Monroe, NC

Broad base of information was helpful to get help me realize where my main struggles were. I would participate in a second or continued class

Ron in Charlotte, NC

I would recommend this class to any one with anger issue. It was good to see a new view of anger and how it has affected my life.

Michael in Charlotte, NC

Carlos Todd, LPC


Displaying anger at your workplace either at your supervisor or subordinate can be a reaction to unfairness, work overload or incompetence. It also could be triggered due to a major incident as in a demotion, a lay off or someone else’s promotion. But in today’s workplace scenario, exhibiting anger, wrath and rage is just not acceptable. One has to learn to tame the fierce tiger. In fact more and more companies are realizing how an angry employee can negatively affect the workplace.

Initially being tagged as a screamer used to be sign of ‘macho’ an indication that you are expecting better performance and results from your colleagues. Sadly it worked then as people never bothered bringing up a controversial work issue with a colleague who has a reputation of screaming and exploding. However, that has radically changed. In fact one of the key requirements for successful employees is the ability to focus and remain calm and composed even in the most tumultuous situation. If you are at logger heads with your supervisor, don’t let it show even if you are burning inside. Remember he is the man in authority so be smart and diplomatic. Try the anger control therapy before the situation gets worse. Let your mind and body be at peace with each other and gradually start searching for the source of your anger. Then disable those triggers and adapt new patterns of behavior. Try and talk it out with your supervisor like mature individuals and find a neutral solution. To deal with anger is not innate, you got to learn and practice how to control it. You may be right on a certain topic but the repercussion of your outburst will linger around long after everyone has forgotten the issue itself. If your anger is dealt with at the infant stage, then its chances to grow into aggression are considerably minimized.

Click Here to learn more about the most recognized specialized anger management practice in North Carolina and to schedule an appointment to our one day classes held two weekends a month.

Carlos Todd,LPC

A human without anger is like a country without a military. Which country would be silly enough to expose themselves by not having a military, however on the flip side which country would go around fighting a war over any and everything. In the same way anger is an emotion that we need for our own protection but it must he used in moderation and when it is used it should be appropriate to the extent that it does not cause unnecessary harm. Some would agree with me that just like over used of military conflicts ultimately will assure destruction of on both sides of the fight; over use of anger will harm both the aggressor and the target of the anger. There must be a better way…

Carlos Todd, LPC

August 2008
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