Archive for August 2009
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Avoid Using “Always” and “Never”.
Many people, when they are involved in a conflict with other people will accuse them of “always” doing something or “never” doing something. People rarely never or always do anything. We may have habits, but for the most part, people are pretty flexible. When you accuse someone of always doing something or never doing something you are automatically putting them on the defensive and are escalating the conflict. Use “I” instead of “You” in your conflict.Instead of being accusatory towards the other individual in the conflict why not tell them how the conflict is making you feel? The other person can argue with you if you tell them something about themselves.
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If you can, as they say, head the conflict off at the pass, before it gets to be a huge problem, you are one step ahead of the game. In order to be able to do this, you have to understand how to learn the warning signs of conflict. Once you recognize the warning signs of conflict, then you will know how to be able to mitigate the factors that are resulting in the conflict.
Some of the early warning signs of a conflict are:
Lack of Communication
Lack of productivity in work or home
You may first notice behavior changes in another person that begin to escalate towards conflict.For example, if you work with another person with whom you have lunch every day and they suddenly stop having lunch with you, this can lead to conflict. The behavior changes are usually coupled with lack of communication. Both precipitate a conflict. The lack of communication, when coupled with behavior changes are bound to start a conflict. If this pattern continues, there will most likely be less productivity at work if this is occurring in a work environment. If at home, there may also be less productivity coupled with silent animosity. If you are an emotionally competent person, you will learn to exercise your communication skills to stop the conflict right in its tracks.
One of the heaviest burdens that you can carry is a grudge. Carrying a grudge is destructive to your health as it causes undue stress. Most people who end up carrying a grudge will find that the anger that they have built up over the years takes a toll on not only their mental health, but their physical health as well. One of the most emotionally competent things that you can do is to learn to forgive. If you cannot learn to forgive, there is no moving forward in your life. You will continue to live in the past and relive slights that took place years ago. The past is gone. There is nothing that you can do to get it back again. If you hold on to the anger that you felt in the past, it is unhealthy for you. Forgive yourself and others and move on with your life. When you do this, you will achieve emotional competence.
For anger management classes online Click Here. For answers to your questions please call 704-804-0841.