ANGER ON MY MIND

Posts Tagged ‘anger management training

What happens if your idea goes over like a lead balloon? What happens if no one is interested in your idea? Do you continue to persist and for how long?  While it is always good to be persistent, it is also good to understand when you have to throw in the towel. No one wins all of the time. It is impossible. When you see that you continue to run into a brick wall time and time again, it may be time for a change.  It can be tough to give up on a dream. But many successful people have had many dreams that failed. Even successful corporations have hit upon some real clinkers. They did not give up and they did not continue pouring time, energy, effort and money into something that wasn’t working.  Like most people, you have current problems and areas in your life that need improvement.  How can you find out what needs to be changed so that you can improve these areas of your life.   
 
You cannot get everyone to like you or agree with what you want. No one has that kind of power. And no matter what ideas you may have or how good they are, they will not be accepted by everyone. You cannot get everyone to agree with you no matter what you do.  Sometimes, you just have to see that change is the only option. This works with conflict and strives as well as it does with bad ideas. If you continue to press and press, you will only anger yourself. And the angrier you get the more ineffective you become in your communication skills.

Avoid Using “Always” and “Never”.

Many people, when they are involved in a conflict with other people will accuse them of “always” doing something or “never” doing something. People rarely never or always do anything. We may have habits, but for the most part, people are pretty flexible. When you accuse someone of always doing something or never doing something you are automatically putting them on the defensive and are escalating the conflict. Use “I” instead of “You” in your conflict.Instead of being accusatory towards the other individual in the conflict why not tell them how the conflict is making you feel? The other person can argue with you if you tell them something about themselves.

Anger management is a very forward focused class that teaches skills in anger management, stress management, communication skills and emotional intelligence. Some still carry the idea that anger management is for the court mandated or those who have been explosive in the recent past. This is simply a misconception.

Anger is a signal, therefore it is important that those who carry hostility or anger work with a professional anger management provider to determine what actions must be taken to respond to the signals instead of lashing out in anger at others. Therefore anger management may be appropriate for any individual or organization where the presenting problem is anger. It may be sign of increasing stress, poor emotional intelligence, poor communication skills or a combination of any or all of those factors. Anger management is therefore appropriate for:

  • Couples
  • Executives
  • Physicians
  • Individuals seeking self improvement
  • Court mandated
  • Those who are being treated by a mental health professionals but need further assistance to manage anger (this treatment must be combined)
  • Schools
  • Small and large businesses
  • Conflict resolution
  • Mediation
  • Adolescents
  • Jails or correctional institutions
  • Human resource professionals
  • Conduction anger management assessments

Anger management is a class that teaches skills not a mental health intervention. It is my hope that those who struggle with anger or know someone who struggles with anger will not choose to call the anger management provider because they are fearful that they will have to sit with a group of hardened criminals. This is simply not the case. Anger management providers across the country do offer private and group interventions, so rest assured that they will be able to facilitate your needs. Some may even visit your home or office. Visit www.anger-management-resources-org to find a provider in your area.

NB-Please note that anger management is not appropriate for those charged with domestic violence.

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Anger Management/Executive Coaching of Charlotte, North Carolina

www.masteringanger.com

www.angeronmymind.com

www.aaamp.org

 

 

The globally accepted Anderson and Anderson model which incorporates an assessment and teaching skills in anger management, stress management, emotional intelligence and communcation skills is demonstrating its versatility across the country. It has in effect helped to broaden the concept of anger management far beyond work with the court mandated. Reported use of this globally accepted anger management intervention model include:

  • Traditional group anger management for court mandated
  • Individual coaching
  • Conflict resolution
  • Pre and Post divorce mediation
  • Family dispute resolution
  • Couples conflict resolution
  • Physician executive coaching
  • Anger management for those reported to child protective services for some cases of suspicion of child physical abuse
  • On-site organizational training
  • Anger management assessment
  • Personal self improvement classes
  • Acceptance by the elite in Hollywood and the music industry
  • Anger management facilitator certification

Those who are truly interested in being part of a movement to effectively treat those who are struggling with anger should visit www.andersonservices.com

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Anger Management/Executive Coaching of Charlotte, North Carolina

www.masteringanger.com

www.angeronmymind.com

www.angeronmymind.org

www.aaamp.org

 

Confronting the problems in our lives and living an authentic existence can be elusive for many. Some of us hate to confront the things that are enviably making us unhappy. We hear our emotions telling us that that we need to make changes in our job, marriage, health and life’s focus yet we ignore and AVOID these signals to our detriment.

All of us know intuitively what is good for us and what is not so good but for some it is just too hard to deal with the emotional upheaval that will result when we decide to make a change. However, no matter how we try to avoid change, our emotions signal the existence of problems through feelings of fear, anxiety, apprehension, frustration, exhaustion, depression and discomfort. Some fail to listen, and the result is a feeling of vulnerability and defensiveness.

This defensiveness creates hyper-vigilance. Such hyper-vigilance is like proverbially living with the hand on the gun. Any perceived attack by the outside world, whether it be from another driver, spouse, co-worker, pastor, friend, child, or the unsuspecting man on the street is viewed as an attack on the self and ANGER comes in to defend what beliefs and values we hold dear. This process all starts with avoidance, and while it is not the only way to explain anger, it is one of the ways that is associated with dreams being unfulfilled.
Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF
President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers
Anger Management/Executive Coaching of Charlotte, North Carolina
www.masteringanger.com
www.angeronmymind.com
www.angeronmymind.org
www.aaamp.org

To understand the connection between anger and the other emotions a military analogy would be apt. It is helpful to see the other emotions (fear, sadness, jealousy, confusion…), as the early warning progressing through the use of accelerated force to defend something we hold dear. If these warnings are ignored, anger is the final force option available to emotionally protect us. Therefore the use of effective communication is critical to communicate our needs and to avoid the use of “accelerated force.”

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Anger Management/Executive Coaching of Charlotte, North Carolina

www.masteringanger.com

www.angeronmymind.com

www.angeronmymind.org

www.aaamp.org

 

Something happened after 9/11 that has not been talked about much. Those of us who are specifically trained and run exclusive anger management practices experienced a rise in anger management referrals. The responsible anger management facilitator should ask the question “why?” The answers may give us clues to the origins of anger and the possible triggers.

Let me be honest, I am an immigrant to the United States and would be the first to admit that I have a magical view of the United States. It is the only place on earth where the dreams to be self-actualized is valued. It is an open society where dreams are made real for almost anyone. To inspire this kind of optimism requires an emotionally intelligent nation that sees the value of human endeavor and creates a safe and structured environment to facilitate the development of its human capital. Large portions of its citizens must have the need for food, shelter and security met. The nation must also be heavily defended so that the citizens feel they are free to roam without fear. Finally, the nation must provide the framework where ingenuity is not only welcomed but supported and seen as a superior attribute. Although not a perfect model, these United States achieved many of these parameters thus wealth and ingenuity flourished. For a long time America has not only wielded military might but an ideology that has virtually swept across the globe. Such supremacy created the kind of security that is needed to create self-actualized citizens.

On 9/11, however, a visible war was declared not on the United States military but on the ideology of our great land. How was it possible that our once safe society now lives with the daily threat of terror? What is the impact of this ever present threat? I contend that for some the dream that is America has been shaken. This shake has created fear, insecurity, doubt and uncertainty. Such primary emotions are a recipe for anger.

Anger is a secondary emotion. Long before an individual becomes angry they feel a cluster of primary emotions that are signals to alert that some emotional threat is looming; some need is not met. If the initial signals are ignored the result is anger that is directed at a convenient target.

The issue here is that suddenly the safety net—real or imagined– was gone and the individual citizen now had new considerations. The meaning associated with the wife/husband, the house, picket fence and a dog was also shaken especially as the impact of 9/11 was coupled with globalization and the reputation that the world no longer had “warm fuzzy” feelings about these United States. If one accepts the idea anger is associated with feelings of insecurity such uncertainty about the future and our place in the global environment are all a source of collective anger.

Insecurity and uncertainty cause humans to hoard more, be more defensive, be more impulsive, increase hyper-vigilance, reduce trust, isolate and in such a state anger on the highways, in school, at work or any ware else is not very far behind. It is not so much that we fear that a terrorist is right around the corner. That would be too simplistic. The problem is that the emotional safety nets that once carried this society into great feats are going. There is a period of change and as with any change there is a period of uncertainty. This uncertainty hit home to every American who still wants that piece of the American pie. Nevertheless, the stressors of living in a society that has become vulnerable since 9/11, in my mind, is one reason that anger management facilitators have seen an increase in the numbers of those referred to anger management. The anger is a small symptom of the loss of meaning that was associated with attacks of 9/11.

 

Carlos Todd, LPC, NCC, CAMF

President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers

Anger Management/Executive Coaching of Charlotte, North Carolina

www.masteringanger.com

www.angeronmymind.com

www.angeronmymind.org

www.aaamp.org

 

 


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