ANGER ON MY MIND

Posts Tagged ‘Conflict Coaching

What happens if your idea goes over like a lead balloon? What happens if no one is interested in your idea? Do you continue to persist and for how long?  While it is always good to be persistent, it is also good to understand when you have to throw in the towel. No one wins all of the time. It is impossible. When you see that you continue to run into a brick wall time and time again, it may be time for a change.  It can be tough to give up on a dream. But many successful people have had many dreams that failed. Even successful corporations have hit upon some real clinkers. They did not give up and they did not continue pouring time, energy, effort and money into something that wasn’t working.  Like most people, you have current problems and areas in your life that need improvement.  How can you find out what needs to be changed so that you can improve these areas of your life.   
 
You cannot get everyone to like you or agree with what you want. No one has that kind of power. And no matter what ideas you may have or how good they are, they will not be accepted by everyone. You cannot get everyone to agree with you no matter what you do.  Sometimes, you just have to see that change is the only option. This works with conflict and strives as well as it does with bad ideas. If you continue to press and press, you will only anger yourself. And the angrier you get the more ineffective you become in your communication skills.
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The next time you are in a conversation with someone; do not try to take the reigns. Be very mindful of this throughout the conversation and allow the other person to direct the way that the conversation goes. After the conversation is over and you find that the world is still spinning on its axis, you will realize that you do not need to have control over every conversation and situation.

When you look for control in all communication, you are essentially telling the other person that you have no respect for their feelings or opinions and those things will be best if you just remain in charge. This negative communication affects everyone in a poor manner. If you continue to converse in this manner, you will find that people will not want to converse with you unless they have to. Your company may be sought out at work – if you are the boss, but for the most part, you will not be a very effective leader. You will probably also suffer from problems with all relationships.

It is often said that a person with manners never lets another person feel bad about themselves. Everyone deserves respect, yet some people are under the misconception that others deserve it more. The person who is sweeping up the street is a human being who deserves the same respect as the president of the United States, but he is not going to get it, despite the fact that both men, as they say, put their pants on in the same way. Both are mortal and neither can escape death. The impact that the president has on others is apparent. The impact the street sweeper has is not apparent, but is still there. Each person’s life has value and impacts other’s lives. Everyone deserves respect.

Often, when we have a conflict with another individual, we will be tempted to try to diminish their sense of self worth by showing them little or no respect. Do you think that this is a healthy way to resolve conflict?

One of the first things you want to do when you find yourself involved in a conflict with another individual is to acknowledge the fact that this other individual is a real life human being and deserves respect. Think about the times when you felt that you were not shown proper respect from others. How did it make you feel? Would you be more inclined to resolve an issue with someone who showed you respect or someone who treated you with disdain?

Naturally you would be more inclined to want to resolve an issue with someone who treated you with respect. Anyone would say this. But how do we resolve a conflict, make sure that our needs are met and still show respect to another individual?

Whether you are in a business environment or personal situation, showing respect towards other people is crucial if you are to have good communication skills, be able to resolve conflict and be emotionally competent.

 

Your beliefs and values are what make you a unique individual. They are based upon past experiences as well as present circumstances. Many of them were learned from parents as well as other respected individuals. While some people may have values and beliefs that are deemed to be “wrong” according to society, unless your values and beliefs cause harm to others, they cannot be considered wrong. There is no such thing as the right way to think. In order for you to be able to resolve your conflicts and grow as an individual, you must be able to understand your beliefs and values. Beliefs and values are those that you hold the most dear to your heart. While some beliefs and values may change from time to time, they remain your own. For example, when you are young, you may feel that your religion is very important to you. You may go to church often and pray daily.As you get older, you may start to hold different beliefs – you may even change your religion. This is not wrong or right, just an example of how your beliefs and values can change with time. Your beliefs are best defined as what you feel is right or wrong when it comes to certain situations. Being opposed to the death penalty would be considered a belief. Again, this type of belief is subject to change. There are plenty of people who may have been against the death penalty when they were young and have grown in favor of this type of punishment as they got older. Beliefs are anything that causes you to make a decision.Values are those attributes that you hold most dear about yourself and others. Some people place high values on their families – nothing will allow them to part from their family members. A person who values their family above everything else will be unlikely to take a promotion that will separate themselves from their family. A person who values career above everything may be more inclined to take such a position. Again, values are personal and none are right or wrong. As you get older, your values may change. A young person, without children or a spouse, may place a higher emphasis on their career than an older person with children.To discover your beliefs and values, take out a piece of paper and write down what you value the most in life. List 10 things that you would not want to do without and put them in order of importance. Then list 10 strong beliefs that you have. After you have made this list, think about what you would be willing to compromise on. Obviously, there will be some things that you will be unwilling to compromise on and others that have more flexibility. When you are embroiled in conflict, you will be aware of these values and beliefs, those which you can find a compromise and those where you will not bend.While we are taught that being flexible is good in life, it is not good to be too flexible.. You are allowed to have core beliefs and values and stick to them. This is what makes you a strong person. At the same time, you should be aware of the fact that not everyone will share your views when it comes to your beliefs and values. You may have a conflict with an individual whose views and beliefs are different than your own. In such cases, it may be difficult to resolve the conflict. 

If you look at conflict in a positive way, you will see that it gives you the opportunity to communicate with another individual and resolve a conflict to a satisfying conclusion. Conflict, in a way, teaches you something about yourself and your communication skills. When you resolve a conflict, you end up boosting your self esteem.

You are what you eat. If you eat junk food all the time, such as fast food, you will end up feeling bad. Your skin will look bad, you will feel out of shape and your mental and physical health will suffer.

If you suffer from stress, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to eat a balanced diet. The diet should contain vitamins and minerals that are found in fruits and vegetables, especially the dark green vegetables, proteins and whole grains. You need carbohydrates in your body but you do not need simple carbohydrates at all. Simple carbohydrates are candy, cakes, cookies and other sweets that offer you no nutritional value at all but only add pounds and fat to your body. You don’t need them so why bother eating them?

Many doctors believe that it is lack of proper nutrition that leads to stress. If you are not getting enough of the B vitamins or Omega Fats, for example, it is said to lead to anxiety, depression and stress. While you can take nutritional supplements to make sure that you get the proper amount of vitamins, you are better off to do it the natural way and eat the foods that are good for you. Here is a list of foods that you should eat:

-Proteins such as chicken, fish and meats;

-Fruits and vegetables;

-Whole grain breads and cereals;

-Dairy products such as eggs, milk and cheese

-Rice and pastas

Contrary to what you may think, these are all good for you and are all part of the food pyramid. If you are a vegetarian, you can eliminate meat from your diet and substitute it with hardboiled eggs and legumes which offer just as much protein as meats. Omega fatty acid is good for building memory and brain cells and can relieve stress so you should take a supplement.

The above mentioned foods are not bad for you in moderation. It depends on how you cook them that causes them to add fat to you instead of nutrition. For example, broiled chicken is an excellent source of protein and is low in calories and fat. But if you deep fry that same chicken, it is not good for you. Vegetables are great steamed, but when you cook them in butter, they are filled with fat and calories. Pastas and rice are staples in a lot of diets, especially in Asia and the Mediterranean. If they are so fattening, why aren’t there more overweight Asians and Mediterranean individuals? More often than not, it is because Americans tend to overdo it and cook rice and pasta with butter and oil.

A few years ago, it was considered a good diet to eliminate carbohydrates such as vegetables and fruits. This goes against any bit of medical advice you will ever get. You may be able to trick your body into losing weight fast, but you are better off to simply cut your calories and exercise more to lose weight.

Whole grains are also necessary for fiber and aid your digestive tract. You need dairy products such as eggs and cheese for the calcium – this is especially important for women. Eat eggs hard boiled or soft boiled and not fried and that will give you the protein you need without the fat. That being said, here is a list of foods you should not eat when you are watching your diet for stress or general health:

-Fried foods

-Fast foods

-Simple carbohydrates

-White breads

-Heavy cream sauces

-Cookies

-Candy

-Ice cream

-Cakes

These foods are all detrimental to your health and often take away the nutritional value of foods that should be good for you. Fried foods are loaded with fats that you do not need. Fast foods are usually deep fried or prepared in such a way that they are not healthy for you. For example, a Big Mac, Fries and Coke give you more than the amount of calories that you need for a day. And this is only lunch. Eat a lunch like that every day and you will begin to gain weight. The more weight you gain, the more sluggish you may feel. This is bound to make you feel depressed and unhappy. It will also add to your stress level. Eating a balanced diet of healthy foods may take some getting used to if you are used to eating junk food all of the time, but in the the long run, it will pay off. You will start to feel better, look better and have better mental health. A healthy diet is essential to fighting stress.

“I am so stupid – no wonder I never can get ahead at work.” How many times have you said this to yourself? How many times have you put yourself down in front of others at home or at work? The old cliché that ‘if you don’t love yourself, no one else will’ must be brought up at this point. No truer words were ever spoken. You have to have regard for yourself and if you tell yourself each day that you are stupid, ugly, hopeless or lazy (or anything negative) then you will start to see yourself as that way and so will others. These are examples of negative self talk and it can be very self destructive to anyone. Whether you say it aloud or to yourself, it is still self destructive.

If you keep telling yourself something negative over and over again, you will begin to believe it, no matter how true or untrue it may be. So will others around you. So why would you do this to yourself? Aren’t you better off to be more positive, even when communicating with only yourself?

Do yourself a favor and give yourself positive affirmations throughout the day instead of

 

negative talk. This will make you feel better about yourself, more confident and better able to communicate. Instead of believing the negative, start believing the positive.


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