Posts Tagged ‘conflict’
How to see change as my only option—what is at stake if I continue in my anger and conflict?
Posted on: February 2, 2010
Building Communication Skills
Posted on: January 22, 2010
The next time you are in a conversation with someone; do not try to take the reigns. Be very mindful of this throughout the conversation and allow the other person to direct the way that the conversation goes. After the conversation is over and you find that the world is still spinning on its axis, you will realize that you do not need to have control over every conversation and situation.
When you look for control in all communication, you are essentially telling the other person that you have no respect for their feelings or opinions and those things will be best if you just remain in charge. This negative communication affects everyone in a poor manner. If you continue to converse in this manner, you will find that people will not want to converse with you unless they have to. Your company may be sought out at work – if you are the boss, but for the most part, you will not be a very effective leader. You will probably also suffer from problems with all relationships.
It is often said that a person with manners never lets another person feel bad about themselves. Everyone deserves respect, yet some people are under the misconception that others deserve it more. The person who is sweeping up the street is a human being who deserves the same respect as the president of the United States, but he is not going to get it, despite the fact that both men, as they say, put their pants on in the same way. Both are mortal and neither can escape death. The impact that the president has on others is apparent. The impact the street sweeper has is not apparent, but is still there. Each person’s life has value and impacts other’s lives. Everyone deserves respect.
One of the first things you want to do when you find yourself involved in a conflict with another individual is to acknowledge the fact that this other individual is a real life human being and deserves respect. Think about the times when you felt that you were not shown proper respect from others. How did it make you feel? Would you be more inclined to resolve an issue with someone who showed you respect or someone who treated you with disdain?
Naturally you would be more inclined to want to resolve an issue with someone who treated you with respect. Anyone would say this. But how do we resolve a conflict, make sure that our needs are met and still show respect to another individual?
Whether you are in a business environment or personal situation, showing respect towards other people is crucial if you are to have good communication skills, be able to resolve conflict and be emotionally competent.
Your beliefs and values are what make you a unique individual. They are based upon past experiences as well as present circumstances. Many of them were learned from parents as well as other respected individuals. While some people may have values and beliefs that are deemed to be “wrong” according to society, unless your values and beliefs cause harm to others, they cannot be considered wrong. There is no such thing as the right way to think. In order for you to be able to resolve your conflicts and grow as an individual, you must be able to understand your beliefs and values. Beliefs and values are those that you hold the most dear to your heart. While some beliefs and values may change from time to time, they remain your own. For example, when you are young, you may feel that your religion is very important to you. You may go to church often and pray daily.As you get older, you may start to hold different beliefs – you may even change your religion. This is not wrong or right, just an example of how your beliefs and values can change with time. Your beliefs are best defined as what you feel is right or wrong when it comes to certain situations. Being opposed to the death penalty would be considered a belief. Again, this type of belief is subject to change. There are plenty of people who may have been against the death penalty when they were young and have grown in favor of this type of punishment as they got older. Beliefs are anything that causes you to make a decision.Values are those attributes that you hold most dear about yourself and others. Some people place high values on their families – nothing will allow them to part from their family members. A person who values their family above everything else will be unlikely to take a promotion that will separate themselves from their family. A person who values career above everything may be more inclined to take such a position. Again, values are personal and none are right or wrong. As you get older, your values may change. A young person, without children or a spouse, may place a higher emphasis on their career than an older person with children.To discover your beliefs and values, take out a piece of paper and write down what you value the most in life. List 10 things that you would not want to do without and put them in order of importance. Then list 10 strong beliefs that you have. After you have made this list, think about what you would be willing to compromise on. Obviously, there will be some things that you will be unwilling to compromise on and others that have more flexibility. When you are embroiled in conflict, you will be aware of these values and beliefs, those which you can find a compromise and those where you will not bend.While we are taught that being flexible is good in life, it is not good to be too flexible.. You are allowed to have core beliefs and values and stick to them. This is what makes you a strong person. At the same time, you should be aware of the fact that not everyone will share your views when it comes to your beliefs and values. You may have a conflict with an individual whose views and beliefs are different than your own. In such cases, it may be difficult to resolve the conflict.
If you look at conflict in a positive way, you will see that it gives you the opportunity to communicate with another individual and resolve a conflict to a satisfying conclusion. Conflict, in a way, teaches you something about yourself and your communication skills. When you resolve a conflict, you end up boosting your self esteem.
ANGER ON MY MIND 
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