Archive for the ‘Anger’ Category

Hello all,

After not posting for almost a year I am back. I have just concluded a grueling dissertation in conflict management (very few of these are written each year despite the pervasive use of conflict management). I am pleased with the end result but the work will have to continue. I will moving my blog post to in the coming weeks. In the meantime I will be working on my new office space and getting ready to launch my new websites and services. It has been a tough year but I have accomplished my objective and am ready for the next steps. Stay tuned…


It is often said that a person with manners never lets another person feel bad about themselves. Everyone deserves respect, yet some people are under the misconception that others deserve it more. The person who is sweeping up the street is a human being who deserves the same respect as the president of the United States, but he is not going to get it, despite the fact that both men, as they say, put their pants on in the same way. Both are mortal and neither can escape death. The impact that the president has on others is apparent. The impact the street sweeper has is not apparent, but is still there. Each person’s life has value and impacts other’s lives. Everyone deserves respect.

Often, when we have a conflict with another individual, we will be tempted to try to diminish their sense of self worth by showing them little or no respect. Do you think that this is a healthy way to resolve conflict?

One of the first things you want to do when you find yourself involved in a conflict with another individual is to acknowledge the fact that this other individual is a real life human being and deserves respect. Think about the times when you felt that you were not shown proper respect from others. How did it make you feel? Would you be more inclined to resolve an issue with someone who showed you respect or someone who treated you with disdain?

Naturally you would be more inclined to want to resolve an issue with someone who treated you with respect. Anyone would say this. But how do we resolve a conflict, make sure that our needs are met and still show respect to another individual?

Whether you are in a business environment or personal situation, showing respect towards other people is crucial if you are to have good communication skills, be able to resolve conflict and be emotionally competent.


One of the heaviest burdens that you can carry is a grudge. Carrying a grudge is destructive to your health as it causes undue stress. Most people who end up carrying a grudge will find that the anger that they have built up over the years takes a toll on not only their mental health, but their physical health as well.  One of the most emotionally competent things that you can do is to learn to forgive. If you cannot learn to forgive, there is no moving forward in your life. You will continue to live in the past and relive slights that took place years ago.  The past is gone.  There is nothing that you can do to get it back again.  If you hold on to the anger that you felt in the past, it is unhealthy for you. Forgive yourself and others and move on with your life. When you do this, you will achieve emotional competence.

42-15654025Anger management is a class that teaches stress management, communication skills, emotional intelligence and anger management. Stress levels hit an all time high at this time of the year and anger is often not to far behind. The demands of work, from family members, the strain on finances and the constant flurry of decision making can cause anger to get out of control. Although one cannot change the demands of the season, one can learn valuable skills that will help reduce the conflict. Here are a few tips

  • Manage your time well
  • Set financial goals
  • Have an open discussion with your family about where the holidays will be spent
  • Be willing to compromise
  • Be aware that long shopping trips can be exhausting and may add to irritability and arguments
  • Don’t take yourself too seriously
  • Designate a shopping day for the kids and one for the adults of the family
  • Shop online
  • Buy gift certificates–this will save you a lot of time
  • Don’t forget to get a pet sitter well in advance of your trips

Happy holidays from Conflict Coaching & Consulting, PLLC

Anger is considered usual, not an abnormal human emotion and temporary psychological state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage, healthful when it is controlled, emotionally accompanied by physiological and biological changes. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenalin.

We act physically expressing the anger on rare occasions. Normally as human beings we have the linguistic process of language, verbal abusing and speak insulting, then only physical fury is followed if angry is not moderated.

When anger is repressed, bottled and not allowed for outward expression, it may turn toward your mind and soul. It may induce high blood pressure, hypertension or depressive disorder. If the angriness is not set forth in words, manifest or communicate it may produce also additional troubles. It may produce either passive or aggressive behavior which will flunk you to establish successful relations with others. In conclusion, if you’ll be able to calm down inside your internally reactions and visibly expressing one’s inner feelings, your mental state and behavior will be controlled.

Whenever, if these methods are not successful, then anger can be moderated by tools of relaxation method such as deep breathing serving to calm down the angry feelings. Breathing deeply and repeating words like “calm down” will enable you to reduce these angry feelings. Feel please free and practice this technique daily, it is rude health behind yoga and meditation, as another way to relax.

The other method is to change the way you think. Furious people some of the times are excommunicating, swearing or speaking in an extremely colorful term. Once we’re angry our thoughts are amplified and turned to be extremely dramatic. If we’ll succeed to replace it with more noetic and rational thoughts, it will help you a lot. You have to remind yourself that getting angry is not going to solve anything.

We’ll have to learn to face our problems, slowing down and thinking carefully, it will surely solve our problems.

Carlos Todd, LPC, CAMF, NCC

President, Conflict Coaching and Consulting, PLLC

10130 Mallard Creek Rd Ste 300
Charlotte, NC 28262.
Phone: 704-804-0841
Fax: 877-202-5901

Every other Sunday Conflict Coaching & Consulting, PLLC facilitates anger and conflict management classes from our Charlotte office. With the use of online video conferencing we have been providing theses weekend classes to individuals nationwide. Call 704-804-0841 or visit for details. Residents of Charlotte and surrounding cities are always welcomed to join us in person.

Carlos Todd, LPC

Yesterday I looked at the newspaper and I was shocked to see that the price of oil had risen again but instead of fear–as I had felt in the past–this question came over me. How will you adapt? Is this not the defining question that has allowed humans as a species to still exist today. One can choose to respond in anger at what is being done or one can be the change that one wants to see.

As I have expressed in previous articles unhealthy anger can tend to be a paralyzing force that immobilizes individuals from making changes that will allow them to face new circumstances in health ways. The alternative is a healthy anger that energizes and mobilizes adaptation and change. So as the nation faces higher oil prices and a “recession” the question for us all is how will we adapt? Something about the American story tells me that we will emerge from this episode as we have in the past–not consumed by anger and conflict but changed and renewed.

Carlos Todd,LPC

May 2018
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